


This Isn't a Game

by moltres (ideallyqualia)



Category: Pocket Monsters | Pokemon (Main Video Game Series)
Genre: Canon Universe, Comedy, Deconstruction, Gen, Meta, Parody
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-09
Updated: 2014-02-17
Packaged: 2018-01-04 03:22:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,559
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1075938
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ideallyqualia/pseuds/moltres
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Or maybe it is. Red has always wanted to become a trainer, but some things in his journey don’t make sense. Is this what everyone goes through?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Level 5

“Welcome to the world of Pokemon! These creatures are your friends and allies.”

_Who are you?_

“I’m Professor Oak, an expert on the subject!”

_I was joking. Of course I know who you are._

“Pokemon are creatures with special abilities, and they can help you in your journey.”

_I know._

“You’re going to embark on your own journey. Isn’t that exciting? By the way, what’s your gender? Are you a boy? Or are you a girl?”

_I…I’m a boy. How long have we known each other?_

“Now, what’s your name?”

_Red. I already told you. We live in the same town, with a population of about 10…_

“Red! That’s a fine name! Reminds me of my grandson! He leaves in your hometown! You’ve known each other since childhood. What’s his name again?”

_…Green._

“That’s right! I remember now! How could I have forgotten? Well, Red, prepare for tomorrow, because you’re getting your very own Pokemon!”

 

* * *

 

Red’s eyes snapped open. Everyone he knew started their journey that way—with Professor Oak giving a tutorial about being a Pokemon trainer, et cetera, in some strange meeting that may or may not have been a dream. It even included images of Pokemon and people flying around for demonstration, from Green to himself. He wondered if Green started off that way, too. Did his grandfather actually ask for his name?

He got out of bed and stood. Even though he was in his own home, he didn’t remember much about it. That was yet another odd thing that happened when a young boy or girl began their journey, right after Professor Oak’s words—they always forgot about their life that led up to it. Some even forgot their names and made up new ones. Heck, he didn’t remember his mom’s name. He could get away with just calling her mom, though.

Red slowly walked down the stairs. Oddly, for the moment, he couldn’t remember how to run, or even how to walk fast. This pace was grating on his nerves, and he found himself gritting his teeth, but he didn’t say anything.

Downstairs, he found his mother. No father, just mother. Did he ever have one?

He walked up to her and stood next to her, but she didn’t do anything. She stared ahead at a large empty table. It was only when he tapped her shoulder that she turned around.

“I guess all boys have to leave someday. Today is when you do. By the way, Professor Oak was looking for you.” She turned back around and resumed her silence.

_That’s it? No tears or goodbyes?_

He stood there expectantly, hoping for her to at least say her name, but she just sat there. Awkwardly, he looked towards the door. This room was the kitchen and living room, and apparently, there was no bathroom in the house. There wasn’t even a bedroom for his mother. Arceus, where did they live?

Quietly, he stepped outside, not taking his eyes off of her until he was past the door. He didn’t feel comfortable with her lack of response. Just what had happened?

A random white bubble floated by, with the words “Pallet Town” on it.

_So I live in Pallet Town?_

Only about three buildings were in the “town.” He had just walked out of one, and the one nearby was what he assumed to be some really important one. As he walked over to it, a girl stopped him.

She gestured towards a sign posted in the ground, and she said “Read it, read it!” over and over. Surprised, he looked at it. It gave instructions on opening up a menu.

He looked back at her. She was staring at him without blinking, similar to how his mother had. He tapped her shoulder out of curiosity. “Signs are useful, aren’t they?” He tapped her shoulder again, curious to hear what she had to say next, but she repeated the exact same phrase. He did it again a few times, and after he did, he became disturbed, and he walked a few feet away.

Now safe, he stood still and became thoughtful. _A menu? What for?_

At the thought of “menu,” another large bubble snapped into existence beside him. He shrieked. He snapped his head around immediately after to see if anyone was laughing, but only a few people were around, and they were all blankly looking ahead, occasionally taking a step, which was just enough movement to prove that they were alive.

He looked back up at the menu. A few things were listed, including his name. When he thought the word “bag” or “option,” another menu appeared, which took up almost all of his vision.

This was really, really strange. He couldn’t protest, though. Who could he say anything to?

When he entered the building—it seemed to be a research facility—he quickly spotted Green. He walked up to him, and after a few moments of silence, he tapped Green’s shoulder.

“Hm? Oh, it’s only you. Gramps isn’t here yet.”

Did that shoulder tap make him speak, or did it just snap him out of his thoughts? Maybe Green was sane…relatively speaking. He was a brand new trainer as well, so maybe he was as normal as normal could get.

He turned around and headed outside after a long staring session with his rival. No matter what, the only thing that seemed to be able to progress things was actually going out and getting Professor Oak.

Directly next to the building was a river. Red walked up to it, but he couldn’t jump in for some reason. He could only press himself as close to the edge as possible before an invisible force stopped him. Sighing, he knew that this wasn’t where he was supposed to go.

He turned and headed towards Route 1, out of lack of options. There wasn’t anywhere else Professor Oak could be, unless he was at his grandson’s house, or Red’s.

_Wait, does Oak live in his own lab?_

“Wait! It’s not safe!” he heard Oak yell out as he approached. This was the first person who didn’t need a tapping-on-the-shoulder for a conversation. “It’s not safe in the grass. You need a powerful monster in your possession before you can be safe. Follow me to the lab.”

Suddenly, his vision blurred, and he heard footsteps. Seconds later, he was in the lab, standing beside Oak and Green. Neither seemed startled by the quick teleportation.

“Now that the two of you are here, I have something for you—your very own Pokemon. They have amazingly strong abilities, and some kinds, known as legendaries, have the power to destroy cities. You’re ten years old, right, Red?”

Red nodded.

“Good! You’re old enough to have vicious animals with you. When I was a young trainer…”

Red’s eyes glazed over. He just wanted to start already. What was with this long and boring prologue?

Before he knew it, Oak had stopped talking. He looked around quickly, realizing that now was the fateful moment of choice. No one was moving in the lab, as if time had stopped. Or maybe this was just normal, anyway.

He walked up to a Pokéball, curious to see its contents. Realizing that he couldn’t know what was inside unless he did something, he tapped one on a whim.

A bubble with a picture of a Bulbasaur popped up into sight, and Oak spoke. “I see! Bulbasaur is your choice.”

_No it isn’t! No it isn’t!_

Red tried to speak, but his mouth wouldn’t work. In fact, he had yet to talk at all.

Oak said a few more words, but Red ignored them in a panic. So when another bubble appeared, with the words “Yes” and “No,” he immediately tried pointing at “No.”

Both bubbles then evaporated, and he knew that he could still choose something else.

_Which should I choose?_

_Bulbasaur? Squirtle? Charmander?_

_I’m Red, and Charmander is red, so…Charmander?_

He tapped another Pokéball, and pointed at “Yes.”

As Oak talked again, he realized that he couldn’t move when someone else was talking; he was glued to the spot. _That’s really...inconvenient._

“Do you want to give a nickname to the Squirtle?”

Another bubble appeared.

_Wait…I chose Squirtle?! That was an accident! I didn’t mean it! I didn’t mean it! Arceus…_

He couldn’t move away or speak, so he was forced to give in and point at “No.”

Green then confidently walked up to the Pokéball next to him. “I’ll take this one, then!” He stared ahead afterwards, so Red curiously tapped his shoulder. Green turned and said, “My Pokemon looks tougher than yours.”

Red turned and walked away.

“Wait! I just thought of something right now! I can’t believe I didn’t think of it sooner! Let’s have a battle!”

_Here?! In the lab?! In between the bookcases?!_

A large amount of bubbles appeared. Two separate lights shined on their Pokemon, forming a circle around each, and bubbles with health and level information stood by them.

Oak talked, and that took up another bubble. In fact, every conversation did—Red just noticed. To make him talk faster, Red pointed at the bubble repeatedly, doing it faster and faster as he got increasingly more annoyed.

After that was over, a menu bubble appeared to ask, “What should Squirtle do?”

Red clicked at “Fight,” followed by “Tackle.” He was sadly out of choices.

The Pokemon fought strangely—they didn’t blink or even move their limbs. Instead, their whole body moved to Tackle each other, and when they finished, they returned to their previous spot. It was incredibly unnerving. When Green’s Bulbasaur fainted, it didn’t fall over—it just dropped down into an invisible hole.

Green handed over money bitterly, with a few groans, complaints, and threats. Afterwards, he sped outside. Although he left at a fast speed, he looked like he walked—making it seem as if he had floated.

“Yes, that’s right. After a battle, the loser hands over money. If you want money, then you need to battle others. Watch out for Team Rocket, though! They steal things without a fair battle!”

Red saw the conversation bubble pop, and he could move again. He turned and walked out, grateful to be out of there. Now, his journey could begin!

 

* * *

 

He walked to Route 1. He would have run if he could.

He waded into the grass, searching for Pokemon. All grass came conveniently in even patches, which provided for even step sizing. The grass was pretty high, coming up to his waist. The grass could hide Pokemon well, but some kinds of Pokemon were mysteriously taller than the grass. The only way anyone could ever find a Pokemon in a patch of grass was to actually walk into the patch—not just look into a patch.

The first Pokemon he found was a Pidgey. He was excited, but he had nothing to catch them with, so he fled the battle. Remarkably, the Pokemon didn’t follow after him to attack.

After a few minutes, he became disenchanted with Pidgey. They kept reappearing, one after another, and Red’s desire to rip his hair out grew. He tried walking quietly, but it was pretty much the same volume as usual, and he still bumped into Pokemon. Sometimes, he went without seeing one for so long that, when he finally did see another, he yelped and leapt in fear. The loud, jarring music did nothing to stop his heart from pounding, either.

_Where does this music come from?_

 

 

* * *

 

Eventually, Red made it to Viridian City. He first headed to the Pokemon Center and healed up—within seconds—and then went to the Poke Mart, where the merchant greeted him.

“Hey! You must be from Pallet Town! Can you give this to Professor Oak? His order just came in.”

Red walked forward to receive it. _Doesn’t he have a mailbox in front of his home/lab? Or doesn’t Green?_

He groaned in frustration. He had to _walk_ back.

After a while, he reached the lab. “Hello, Red. How’s my old Pokemon?”

_Old? It’s level 5…_

“After a few minutes, it’s attached to you. You _must_ be talented!”

Red pulled out the package to quiet him.

“What? You have something for me? Oh, it’s my custom Pokéball! It might look the same, and function the same, but it’s custom made.”

At that moment, Green walked in. “I almost forgot; you wanted to see me.”

“That’s right! I just remembered! I have something for you!” He handed them two red devices. “I want you two to complete this. It’s a Pokédex. It records data automatically, just from catching it. It shows you where to catch Pokemon, but you have to catch the Pokemon first. I always wanted to complete an encyclopedia and gather data on Pokemon. I’m old, and I’ve been a trainer and experienced professor for a long time, but I’m still woefully short on data. These Pokédexes are sadly empty.”

Green piped up and turned to look at him. “Sorry, Red, but this job doesn’t need two trainers, even though gramps never did it himself. Now, I’m going to stop by my house and pick up a Town Map from Daisy. I’ll tell her not to give you one! Haha!” Green snickered, pleased by his intelligence, and left.

Red turned to Oak. “There’s a world of Pokemon out there for you, Red.”

That was it. No advice.

Red turned angrily and left as well.

He went and followed Green’s anti-advice. Daisy gasped as Red entered. “Grandpa asked you to run an errand? That was lazy of him.”

_You think?_

As soon as she gave him a map, he walked away, and truly began the journey.

Still without knowing how to run.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oak was intended to be a bit OOC—I exaggerated some of his remarks and comments for fun.


	2. Level 100

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Red eventually gives up.

Red saw no point in dragging things out longer than he had to. When no one was looking, he gave everyone on his team a bunch of Rare Candies. They magically boosted their strength, and they tasted great (he assumed—they seemed to like him more when he gave it to them).

Now, he was on his way up the Silph Company building to defeat Giovanni.

“Red!”

Red stopped. _Is that Green?_ He turned and looked. Yes, it was. He was just standing there.

“I was waiting here for a really long time, Red! What took you so long!?”

Red’s face twisted into surprise. _Waiting? What for?_

When the battle ended, Green simply left after a few words, leaving Red thinking angry, violent thoughts that had to go unsatisfied.

He couldn’t move his arms/hands around someone’s neck. Even for fun.

 

* * *

 

He still had quite a few Team Rocket grunts to battle before he could face their leader.

Red walked up to one, wanting some entertainment. All of these grunts were weak and boring.

First, he stood at the grunt’s side. It apparently had no peripheral vision, and didn’t notice Red standing inches away. He even tried walking into the grunt, but the grunt stood still and didn’t move.

Since he was pretty limited in what he could do—tap a shoulder, point at a bubble, move, or command a Pokemon to attack another Pokemon (not a human)—he quickly ran out of ideas and gave in to a battle.

He walked right in front of the grunt and stopped, and as he did, the grunt’s eyes widened, and he walked forward to Red. Red would’ve moved away if he was allowed. Why did _every_ trainer have to get so close?

“No matter how strong your Pokemon are, ours are stronger! We use rare and powerful Pokemon that we have stolen from trainers!” the grunt said.

He sent out a Rattata.

 

* * *

 

“So, you want to end Team Rocket?” Giovanni stood up and walked over to Red. Out of the corner of his eye, Red saw Silph Co.’s president, not looking as scared as Red thought he should have.

Knowing that he had no way to talk, Red just shrugged and nodded.

“Well, I’m afraid that that's impossible.” Giovanni’s hand went to his waist. Red saw the hand glide past a dangerous-looking gun to a Pokéball, picking it up.

In the middle of the battle, Red got an urge to try to capture one of Giovanni’s Pokemon. He was curious. Could he pull a Team Rocket on Team Rocket? As he threw a Pokéball, the ball bounced off, and he heard a voice say “It’s wrong to steal Pokemon!”

 _Isn’t that what Team Rocket does, though?_ He gave up. Giovanni, meanwhile, didn’t seem to notice. If he did, he might have been proud or amused.

After Giovanni’s pathetic defeat by Red’s overpowered Pokemon, Giovanni sighed.

“That was a close battle. You have talent. Too bad you didn’t join Team Rocket…” Giovanni turned and left.

“Thank you,” the president said, walking up to Red. He handed him a ball. “This is a token of my appreciation. It’s our newest and best invention.”

Red looked at it with realization and slight resentment. _They couldn’t have given me some of these when I started my journey?_

_I wish I could talk…_

 

* * *

 

Red was annoyed that he couldn’t have his Pokemon use all kinds of attacks outside of battle. He was stuck with something as boring as Surf. Surf couldn’t even cause a tidal wave, like the attack version of itself could.

“Blastoise! Surf!”

Within seconds, his Blastoise jumped out of its Pokéball with a flash and transformed into a Lapras, now enabling him to cross water. He was headed to Cinnabar Island to take on Blaine.

 

* * *

 

Two badges later—Giovanni’s reappearance really surprised and angered him—he was now on a walk, preparing himself for the Elite Four. It was a nice, peaceful walk, and nothing could ruin it.

Suddenly, Red stopped—something bumped into him. He looked down and saw a small tree. It was smaller than him.

But he couldn’t get past it.

He tried squeezing through, jumping over, walking around—nothing worked.

_Cut is the only HM move my Pokemon team doesn’t know!_

Red silently screamed in frustration.

 

* * *

 

This was it. The Pokemon League. Red had just left Viridian, and was on his way to challenge the Elite Four.

“Reeeeeeeeeeeed!”

_Of course._

“Red! You don’t seriously think you can take on the Elite Four, do you?” Green said as he walked up to him. “You’ll never win! You’re too weak! Who cares if you defeated Team Rocket and all eight gym leaders!”

_And without your help, too._

After a quick battle with little effort by Red’s now level 100 Pokemon, Green fumed. “You barely won! A-and I’ll get even stronger! Stronger than you! Stronger than everyone!” Green turned and ran ahead.

_Stronger than level 100? Is he going to cheat?_

 

* * *

 

Lance recalled his fallen Pokemon in defeat.

“Congratulations, Red. You are now the champion.

“…Or you would be, except that there is already one. And you have to defeat him.”

Red knew _something_ had to impede him, one more time. _Too bad I have to take Green down._

 

* * *

 

“Red! Welcome!” Green cheerfully greeted—more happily than he ever had. “Thank you for being my rival. You were pretty strong, and you were great competition. But this ends here. I don’t need a rival anymore. There can only be one champion.”

Red reached down and tiredly called out a Pokemon with slight sadness. Everyone was delusional, and they could never understand how powerful Red’s team truly was.

Within a short amount of time, Green’s team fainted. Green stared at his Pokéballs in shock.

“Red! Green!” Professor Oak shouted as he entered. Surprisingly, Oak headed straight towards Red. “Red, you are now the Pokemon League Champion. I am so proud of you.” He turned to Green and added, in a scolding tone, “Green, I am very disappointed in you. I came when I heard you were the champion, but in a short time, you already lost. Do you understand why you lost? You lost because you did not love your Pokemon.”

 _Yes, those Rare Candies were_ filled _with love. And all the battling and fighting…that, too, was out of love._

 Oak led Red away to induct his Pokemon into the Hall of Fame, leaving Green behind, silently angry. As Red viewed the data on previous champions, he noticed that Green wasn’t even in it.

After he registered his team, a long list of credits scrolled through his vision. He didn’t question it, although he did want to skip it.

Hours later, he woke up in bed, at home. He got up and yawned. _It starts and ends the same way._

He walked down the stairs, where his mom was. He tapped her on the shoulder, expecting praise.

“Hi, Red! Did you sleep well? Oh, by the way, congratulations on becoming champion.”

Disappointed, Red walked past her and went outside.

 

* * *

 

“You don’t want to be champion?” Lance asked. Red quietly nodded. “But…but…”

Red handed over his resignation papers without explanation and walked away.

He didn’t understand the world, and he didn’t want to. Nothing made sense, and everything contradicted itself and made him frustrated. Who cares if he came out on top? He didn’t really understand how he did it. It seemed like it was all luck. _Anyone_ could have defeated Team Rocket.

Mt. Silver sounded nice and quiet. No one would miss him. 

**Author's Note:**

> (General A/N that exists at the end of all my fics): I find unsolicited concrit really rude, I'm not looking for any. Please don't tell me someone was OOC/something happened you didn't like/it's too short/etc. in any bookmarks or comments.


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